You know, I haven't felt this way in a long time, where I have absolutely no esteem, I'm not happy with any part of myself, and I basically hate myself. Recently though this feeling has come back so congratulations to the people who have made me feel this way. Are you happy? Are you finally happy to see me break, hurt myself, call myself names, cry every day and night because I'm upset.
Call me hideous names to my face in some ironic form of respect that is really hidden mockery. Put me through shit to claim that I'll be better in the end. Why am I not good enough to begin with?
Your stupid trials are unfair and cruel tests designed to see how far you can push a human being before they go over the edge. Well let me tell you now, I'm hanging off of it and I can barely hold on. There are a few people keeping me here right now and maybe the fact that I don't have enough courage right now to disappear.
Don't call me that name. Why? Because I hate it. It's ugly and it sounds horrible. I wouldn't be proud to call myself that. I don't even want to hear it out loud because of it's ugly sound. Why couldn't I have been pretty? Oh, now it makes sense. I'm an ugly person so I deserve an ugly name right? Is this supposed to be some cruel joke?
I guess the question is: Why am I putting myself through this? I don't think I can possibly insult you more than you have insulted me.
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