Hazed and Confused

Do you think you can break me?
Make me feel like a horrible, ugly, shadow of my former, confident self.
You've got another thing coming.

I am superior to you.
Watch as my arrow pierces the heart of your ugly soul.
It flies true fueled by the hatred, never missing its mark.

My pain is mine alone.
You can't hurt me, only I can.

Now I see what this blog has turned into: some horrible archive of this awful time in my life. Why? Because I have absolutely no passion for anything that I used to in life.

So excuse my rants, maybe someday I'll get through this. Or maybe not.

I hate myself

You know, I haven't felt this way in a long time, where I have absolutely no esteem, I'm not happy with any part of myself, and I basically hate myself. Recently though this feeling has come back so congratulations to the people who have made me feel this way. Are you happy? Are you finally happy to see me break, hurt myself, call myself names, cry every day and night because I'm upset.
Call me hideous names to my face in some ironic form of respect that is really hidden mockery. Put me through shit to claim that I'll be better in the end. Why am I not good enough to begin with?

Your stupid trials are unfair and cruel tests designed to see how far you can push a human being before they go over the edge. Well let me tell you now, I'm hanging off of it and I can barely hold on. There are a few people keeping me here right now and maybe the fact that I don't have enough courage right now to disappear.

Don't call me that name. Why? Because I hate it. It's ugly and it sounds horrible. I wouldn't be proud to call myself that. I don't even want to hear it out loud because of it's ugly sound. Why couldn't I have been pretty? Oh, now it makes sense. I'm an ugly person so I deserve an ugly name right? Is this supposed to be some cruel joke?

I guess the question is: Why am I putting myself through this? I don't think I can possibly insult you more than you have insulted me.

Done.

I'll admit, and I'm not being egocentric or selfish here, but I really care about other people. So much so that I often feel responsible for them and what happens to them. So when someone who is practically like a sister to me confides in me her biggest secret, how do I deal with it? I want to make sure she's ok, but keeping it bottled up inside, to myself is 10x harder.  I know I can't break that confidence and trust, but to what point does concern overrrule secrecy?

It's not even my problems that have me concerned, but rather problems of others. I spend so much time caring for others that sometimes I forget to take care of myself.  I think I somehow vicariously take on other peoples' problems.  I want to be there as a resource and a friend, but sometimes it's genuinely hard.

Food tastes awful, I don't want sleep and when I do sleep it's not satisfying. I'm not happy anymore and the things that I'm going through seem awful.
I really am at the lowest point in my life right now. This stupid shit that I'm putting myself through makes me feel like I hate myself. Especially when I'm dealt completely unfair cards. Don't play mind games with me, I'm sick of this shit.

You call me ridiculous crap and expect me to be proud of it and to fall in love with it? Excuse me but I liked the first option. You make me wear ridiculous crap and then tell me what I can and can't do? How is making me feel awful about myself teaching me to be a stronger person. I feel awful, because I look awful and I want to harm myself. You cut me off from all ways I can connect to other people to teach me what... isolation?

I'm already freaking isolated!! Now more than ever I want to go back into my shell and forget about life. I'm depressed and feeling at my worst. Congratulations, you've torn me apart, into fragile little pieces and I may never be able to put myself back together. I want to right myself and pick myself up, but I just don't have the energy.

Philadelphia Museum of Art

Part 1 of my Philadelphia reflection/visitor's guide: The Philadelphia Museum of Art!!

Iconic Rocky statue out front. Be sure to get a pic at this wonderful photo op!

I have only been here twice I think, yet I love the museum even more every time I visit. Check their website, because I think every 2nd Sunday of every month the museum is "pay what you want" (aka free). It's worth paying though even if you can't make it on Sunday. I highly recommend going here as I think I would consider it my favorite art museum in the United States. 

Aside from their amazing collection of paintings, sculptures, and more, the museum is set up with parts of the artwork almost being built into the walls.  This adds to the old atmosphere of the museum and provides wonderful visuals throughout your visit.  On the second floor there is also a collection of tapestries depicting certain events in the life of Alexander the Great. These are worth checking out and listening to the free phone guide that you can call. PLEASE NOTE HOWEVER: The docents will ask you to please hang up if you are making a call anywhere inside the museum as cell phones aren't allowed (except for the phone tour). Cameras are allowed though!

If you return to the museum, beware! Sometimes they switch around their collections so that favorite painting may have been moved to a new location! This can be annoying, yet kind of fun because it forces you to look at new things.

Here are some of my favorite things I have spotted in the museum:
#1 - William Penn Miniature Model
I didn't find the information about the sculptor or anything, but the model was used to build the one on top of City Hall.

#2 - "Spring" by John La Farge (American)

1900 - 1902, Opalescent Glass, Painted Glass, Lead

This is one of the most beautiful stained/painted glass windows I have seen. It's not a window in the museum really, but rather backlit with a light behind it on a wall. It's definitely worth checking out.

#3 - Asian Orb Thing - ???

For some reason due to my inadequate search abilities, I cannot find the name of this orb/metal sculpture work. I think it is Chinese and will continue my search through the library collection to find it. Isn't it so cool though?

#4 - "The Archangel Michael" by Juan Correa the Younger (Mexican)

1739, Oil on Canvas

This is one of my absolute favorite paintings in the museum. There is also another painting by Correa of the Archangel Raphael which is usually in the same room as this one.



#5 -

I love this painting just because there is SOOOO much going on in it. It is so intricately detailed too that you constantly find new things everytime you look at it.

I could keep going, but I think the best advice I can give is to go see the museum for yourself! You won't be disappointed I guarantee it. I think this February they're opening a new exhibit on Van Gogh too which would be worth checking out.

Have any favorite museums or places to go in Philly? Share!!

Stephanie, WWT

Valentine's Day: Happy to be Single!!

Yes. That's right everyone. I'm single and I love life!!Being as this is my last semester of college, I have come to realize that life is so much LESS complicated when you don't have to worry about a boyfriend.  You can go out, dance, meet new people, and have fun without being restrained by a relationship. Now, in no way am I saying that being in a relationship is awful. Actually, most of my friends have boyfriends, which I admit, can be awkward when you're the only single gal there, but it also comes with a sense of independence and freedom.  Who says girls and guys can't be friends??

I used to worry about never being able to find a guy and thought dating was super awkward (well, it still is :P). Now, I am thoroughly enjoying being single. I shouldn't HATE Valentine's Day - I don't have to worry about buying a significant other a gift!! Life is sooo much easier. More chocolate for me!!!

So to everyone out there with a special someone to celebrate with - have fun and remember to tell not only your bf/gf how much you love them, but also your family, friends, and everyone who supports you. 

We can show our love for everyone we appreciate in our lives, not just our romantic partners.

To all my single ladies out there, go out with the girls and celebrate your freedom. Maybe you will meet some single guys too ;)

Happy Valentine's Day to all!!!

Spread the            LO
                 VE

Stephanie, WWT

Bryn Mawr: Checklist

If anyone lives on or near the main line, you will know that Villanova is right next door to Bryn Mawr, despite the existence of Rosemont in between the two. Maybe you don't even know what the "main line" is, but that's ok! I didn't either before I started attending college here.

Anyway, my main point: There is a checklist for Bryn Mawr that I must accomplish before the year is over!!

1. Go study at Milkboy coffee. Seriously, this place always looks like the most awesome place to just take your computer and get some major studying done.

2. See a movie at the Bryn Mawr Film Institute.

3. Go to one of the Irish pubs. Haven't done this yeat cause I just turned 21 last month :P

As a side note: Today I had the most amazing blueberries the size of grapes. NO JOKE, they were HUGE!! But, as I started eating them I noticed one was slightly deformed. Like, you know the little spikes they have on top? It had one growing out of the side... just one. Then I started noticing that ALL of the blueberries had the same weird deformity. Were my blueberries genetically engineered mutant berries??? :O

The Mutter Museum

Part 2 of my Philly Guide! The Mutter Museum!!

Photo taken from here.

If you live around Philly, chances are you may have heard about this medical museum pronounced the Moo-ter Museum. Or you may have even been there yourself.

Regardless of if you are a med student, or just a fan of House, this museum is sure to captivate you, that is, if it doesn't gross you out.  If you don't have a strong stomach, or if you are pretty squeamish, you may want to opt out, however the displays aren't presented in a way that is designed to induce grimaces in its visitors. It represents a large collection of bones, wax replicas, and medical instruments, as well as preserved organs and body parts.

Photo taken from here.

I had been wanting to go for a long time, but never had the chance. If you go, I would advise getting off at 30th street station and walking across the bridge down Market st. and down 22nd.  The museum is actually located within the College of Physicians of Philadelphia, which is the oldest professional medical organization in the country.

If you want to visit the museum, it is open Mon - Sun (10am - 5pm) and there is a special student discount for only $10 if you show an ID.  Although you cannot take photography inside, there are plenty of things to occupy yourself with.  In the top floor, walk past the huge case filled with skulls of various ages, ethnicities, and medical abnormalities and diseases. Also check out the exhibit about the "Soap Lady" as well as the cases about the assassinations of Presidents Lincoln and Garfield.

Downstairs there is a collection of more skulls, skeletons, and organs as well as a huge colon, a giant and dwarf skeleton, and casts of the conjoined Siamese twins Chang and Eng. There is also a room dedicated to Gretchen Worden. Don't forget to see Benjamin Rush's medicinal herb garden outside!

BE WARNED!! Some of the exhibits were a bit disturbing.  I couldn't really bear to look at all of the preserved fetuses and babies, maybe because I'm a woman and couldn't picture that being my baby. I wouldn't suggest bringing your kids under 15 here. Maybe even under 20 because they might just act all immature and joke around about stuff.

Overall, the museum was very nice, and gave off an old sort of feel to it.  There was a funky smell downstairs, and in one of the rooms there was a fan blowing constantly, which made it super cold! I am glad to have finally seen it, but it is a little overwhelming.  It is probably an essential visit for anyone considering going into the medical field. 

More museum reviews to come!

Stephanie, WWT

Franklin Fountain

So... one of the things on my Philadelphia to-do list was to visit Franklin Fountain ice cream shop and I did!! Yesterday... yes I know it was cold and I wasn't even sure they'd be open but they were!!!

Front entrance and menu.

Although I was like the only other person in there besides this couple. Anyway, it was a little hole in the wall and I admit I went down a couple wrong streets having forgottene the address, but quickly found it on the corner of like 2nd and ???

The shop itself is so adorable and transports you back to a soda-shop-esque type establishment.  Their menu is kind of intimidating for the first time, but I decided due to my not overly large appetite to avoid one of their signature sundaes. They are however, most famous for them as they were featured on Man vs. Food for their Mt. Vesuvius sundae that Adam Richman devoured.
Yeah, wasn't gonna happen.

Ben Franklin all decked out for V-Day.

So instead I asked the guys behind the counter what they recommended and the lovely young gentleman told me the the pistachio and cherry vanilla were his favorites.  I sampled the pistachio (with a small silver spoon, not that plastic crap you get at 31 flavors) and it was very yummy, but I wanted a topping too. So I decided to go with 1 scoop (aka like 2 baseballs) of the mint chip with their hot fudge topping. My kind server told me to take a seat anywhere and he would bring it over to me after he was done making it.

1 "scoop" of mint chip with hot fudge topping.

The sundae was fantastic and I almost finished it all, but instead took the leftovers to-go in this awesome little cardboard container.  Cool huh?

To-go container is so cute!!

After my sugar overload, I talked to the guy working there some more and he told me some interesting facts about the shop. It has only been open for like 6 or 7 years, however the building itself is original including the molding on the ceiling (not the fungus lol) as well as the tiles on the floor.

They also have the oldest working soda fountain in America! Pretty cool. Overall, I would definitely come back. If you're with a couple friends, opt for one of their bigger sundaes which go from like $9 - $15 I think.  You can also order by the scoop and add on toppings. For one scoop, one topping mine came out to $6 something. Pretty reasonable for fantastic service and good ice cream.

The oldest working soda fountain!

Since they're a soda shop, they also have shakes, banana splits, sodas, and these things called phosphates which I'll have to try sometime. They also have plenty of flavors, including one called hydrox cookie, which uses the original hydrox cookies which were an early version of an oreo. They also have sugar free and soy ice creams too.

Go check them out! They are open from 12 pm - 12 am (nice!) and their service is fantastic.  You won't be disappointed. 

Stephanie, WWT

Travel 2012 Plan

Ok, time to get serious here. I only have like 4 months before I return to the West Coast for good ending my Senior year here at Nova. I still have so much to do!! AAaaahh! Freakout time!!!......
Ok, let's get planning.

Aside from my much anticipated Atlantic City trip scheduled for spring break in March, I've been wanting to go to Philly again and what with Fridays free, I think I definitely have enough time. Here is a list of things I'd still like to, no, scratch that have to do!

1. Go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art one last time! (preferrably on one of the free Sundays!)

2. Go to the Mutter Museum (home of fascinating medical oddities)

3. Try a Geno's cheesesteak (so I can compare it to Pat's!)

4. Eat ice cream at Franklin Fountain (you can see how my list is quickly becoming dominated by food)

5.  Go to Penn's Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology

6. Somehow find a way to Gettysburg


Heck, while I'm at it, here's the New York List too!

1. See the Statue of Liberty

2. Go to the top of either the Empire State Building or the Top of the Rock

3. See a Broadway show (preferrably Phantom)

4. Find another food truck and sample their delicacies!

5. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge

6. See the Wall Street bull

7. Go to the Natural History Museum


And just one more thing in D.C.

1. Go to the Crime and Punishment Museum


I'm also trying to figure out if I can take a trip to Boston sometime too, but I might run out of time :(

Does anyone know of anything fun to do in Baltimore by any chance? That's pretty close as well.
Looks like I have a lot to do and see still. Sigh. World, here I come!

Happy travels during the new year! Have any plans?? Share them :)

Stephanie, WWT

Ocean City, NJ

This trip is from last semester, but unfortunately I didn't get to post about it on time. So without further ado, here it is.

Ocean City is located in New Jersey, and is most exciting for its boardwalk which boasts a host of rides, snack shops, and little gift shops where you can get your own personalized pressed shirt Jersey Shore style! The city's motto is "America's Greatest Family Resort." Well, I'm not sure about that, but it certainly was nice to walk along the boardwalk and the shore on a nice hot day. Because of it's family oriented atmosphere, there is no alcohol sold anywhere. 

The length of the boardwalk itself is about 2 1/2 miles long and perfect for biking, jogging, walking, or anything else you might fancy. You quickly learn that the designated lanes should be paid attention to unless you want to get runover by one of those cart, peddled, surrey things.  Although many people neglect to follow the rules of the labeled lanes, it still helps.



FOOD

My favorite part. Here is what I decided to sample!

Kohr Bros. Frozen Custard
Luckily there are about 3 locations on the boardwalk, so you can always find a Kohr Bros somewhere. They claim that their custard is only like 150 calories so go for it! I tried the mint and chocolate swirl, but they also have an orange cream swirl that I heard was amazing. You can also get it inverted and dipped in sprinkles if you desire.  The custard was not as dense as I thought it would be. It was very light on the contrary, yet it didn't melt super fast!

One of the many locations near the main entrance.

Fried Pickles

I just had to try these after they were made popular by Snooki on the Jersey Shore.  I was pleasantly surprised and have to admit that I'm a follower now! They were greasy little slices, but they were great. You can't go wrong with fried anything right? They also give you an amazingly tasty sauce to dip your fried pickles in which I highly recommend. It's sort of like a spicy thousand island which is amazing with the seasoned crunchy batter and the sourness from the pickles.

My pickles complete with side sauce! Yummy :D



Banana Whip

Down one of the side alleys on the boardwalk sits the Bashful Banana Bakery and Cafe.  They are home to an amazing dessert like creation made of pure frozen bananas. Legit, nothing else is in there. They run the frozen bananas through this press sort of machine which turns them into an ice cream like consistency. I'm not entirely sure how they make it so decadent, but it's amazing. If you opt for toppings (which you should!) try the fruit fudge sauce, made of fruit! The kiddie size is like $4.25 which is plenty for someone like me! It's like 0.65 to add a topping, and you can also get them flavored with strawberry or pineapple etc.



Banana whip topped with all fruit fudge sauce. Soooo amazing!



Pizza
Of course I had to get a slice on the boardwalk. I went to 3 Brothers From Italy where they have an eating competition challenge thing. Although I didn't attempt to eat an entire pizza in 15 minutes, I would seriously admire someone who could. I opted for a slice of broccoli chicken to get my serving of veggies for the day (lol). It was a typical reheated slice of pizza, but it was perfect.

Fudge
Seriously go try some fudge while you're here.  They even hand you free samples outside to entice you. I went to the Original Fudge Kitchen where you can watch them handmake the fudge which is cool.

I bought the pumpkin pie and pistachio fudge. It was great. Their maple is also delicious too.

Taffy
There are several taffy places to shop at but I went to Shriver's where you can see the taffy machines in the back room. Pretty cool.

You can fill up your own bag with taffy and they charge you by weight. There are also many other commonly found candies there to indulge in.

Activities

Aside from the amazing beach located like 50 feet away from you, there are numerous other things to do on the boardwalk.  Here are some:

Mini-Golf
Go try out one of the several mini golf places.  They looked fun, but I didn't participate.

Rides
If rides are more of your thing, they have the typical boardwalk/carnival rides. Try out the ferris wheel for a nice relaxing, breezy ride. You do have to buy tickets for each ride or you can buy a wristband thing.

I would generally advise avoiding the "Glass House" on a hot day. But that's just me.

Try to have fun and follow the rules
Why are there so many rules?! Here are some. So you can pretty much walk around and not have any fun. If you can walk around between all of the people swarming on the beach. Also, how do you skateboard on a beach???

Apparently, you cannot throw balls or frisbees. Bummer. You also cannot picnic.

Clearly these brave souls have decided to break the rules. God bless them.

Good luck trying to find a spot to set up that umbrella.

For all of you Philly residents, it might interest you to know that both David Akers (former Eagles kicker) and Jay Wright (Villanova's awesome Basketball coach) own summer residences here.  Other famous people also are frequent summer vacationers here.

Seriously, go to the boardwalk for a nice day at the beach. I would advise going early if you don't want to be around the crowds, but in the summertime, that's kind of inevitable. A family fun destination, Ocean City didn't disappoint. Next time I'll have to try the fried Oreos!

Stephanie, WWT

Kara's Take II

I have been back to Kara's Cupcakes in Walnut Creek now a couple of times as well as the one located in Ghiradelli Square, San Francisco.  I thought I should do an updated review too! So here are my new cupcake discoveries.

SF trip cupcakes:

Fleur de Sel (top left), PB&J (top right), and Key Lime Pie (bottom)

My Favorite = The Key Lime Pie one by a longshot!!

The cake was so moist and had a key lime filling which was sweet and tangy. The bottom was a graham cracker crust and it was topped with a cream cheese like frosting and little sprinkles and of course a fondant flower cut-out. It was seasonal, so if you see it in the summertime, GET IT!!

Doesn't that just look like heaven?



Worst Cupcake = PB&J

I like cupcakes, but this one was not a star. I had such high hopes for it too! Like the Key Lime, this flavor was limited-time only (thank god!). It was supposed to have a peanut butter frosting on top and a strawberry (jelly) filling. Unfortunately it was super dry and not very flavorful :(

Boo :(

The one cool thing was the Kara's Cupcake-mobile thing outside of the shop. They had a father's day display in the window :)

Even though I was graced with a dry, unastonishing cupcake, it will not deter me from going back to Kara's. I find their seasonal flavors to be very good, and I still have my filled favorites.  They remain the Banana Caramel and the Key Lime. I also tried the mini versions of the Java Chip and the Raspberry Dazzle. Java Chip = eh. Raspberry = pretty good.

Go find a Kara's if you live in California and pick out your favorites!

Stephanie, WWT

Horoscope

My horoscope from the SF Gate today. I thought it was very inspirational and true and wanted to share it!

"Every great accomplishment inspires equal parts admiration and envy.  It's what comes from standing head and shoulders above the rest."

:)

Stephanie, WWT

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

So I figured since I was going to be at school for this Thanksgiving (like always), I should take the bus on over to NYC to catch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, something I had always watched on TV at home in California. It's my last year at college on the East coast and I figured, why not? It beats sitting in my apartment by myself on the holiday.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

Walking to the parade. 

So since the parade started at like 9:00 I took the earliest bus I could which left at about 6:30 from Philly.  The ride is only about and hour and a half on MegaBus. *If you live in an area where MegaBus services, definitely check it out. Their fares range from only $1.00!!

Anyway, I got to NY at about 8:00 and half of the streets in the city were closed off - even to pedestrians who were looking to get a good spot to see the parade from.  My morning started off pretty chaotic because I was just trying to find a street where I could enter to view the parade route. NYPD had those streets blocked like their lives depended on it and weren't going to let even the cutest little kid in to watch the parade. Boo.

So I ended up finding a spot on a side street that would give me a side view of the balloons and stuff. I managed to get fairly close, yet still had to stand on my tiptoes to see over people's heads to take photos and see the people on the ground, including the floats.  Luckily it wasn't too cold out, 'cause I ended up being outside for like 3 or 4 hours!! Definitely dress warm and grab a cup of coffee from an open McDonalds. Remember, most stuff is closed on Thanksgiving.

Overall, the parade was fun to see in person, but I would definitely recommend going early for a good spot, because even 30 minutes won't guarantee you a good view, and you can forget about being right along the parade route. 

The balloons were cool, yet seem bigger on television, hm. The floats were fun too, especially when you caught a glimpse of a celebrity. Attending this year were Cee Lo Green, Scotty McCreery (American Idol), and I think Mary J. Blige.  There were also billions of clowns, some extra creepy like the graduation and farmer clowns! Seriously, they need to fill the gaps with something, but clowns!? Think twice about bringing your kids if they have an irrational fear of crazy people dressed up in weird costumes with a lot of makeup on. Hm, maybe it's not so irrational after all.

Creepy Clown!! :o

If you're looking to go, I would say do it! I was happy I got to see it in person once in my life, but I think next year I'll be content to watch it from my living room in CA

Stephanie, WWT

Laziness or Lack of Time?

BOOOO000ooooo. I haven't updated my blog in forever and now I feel horrible. :(

Anyway, now that that's over with! Here is my new schedule for this year and I have to admit, it feels weird to only be taking 4 classes as opposed to my normal load of 6 or 7. They all seem to be very interesting so far, as I've had one class of each now. 3 classes Tue/Thr and only 1 on M/W. Fridays are free! I don't know what I'm going to do with all of this free time!

Here's what I'm taking:

Social Psychiatry
Forensic Psychology
Psych of Gender and Sexuality
Race and Ethnic Relations

All of my Criminal Justice classes have finally finished after my VERY tough Senior Seminar last semester. All that's left are some Sociology and Psychology electives for my psych minor.

It does feel weird to be in my last EVER semester of college. I'm ready to leave, yet I feel that I haven't spent enough time. Never fear! I will be taking many more trips this year so hopefully I'll have lots of material to update on. I already have new posts lined up from over Winter break so we'll see if I can get those written in the coming months. Bear with me as my regular laptop is with my University's tech crew as they are trying to figure out just exactly what the problem is. God help them.

I am currently typing this on a loaner laptop, which, I have to say is much nicer keyboard-wise than my own despite them being the same model. Maybe it has something to do with my keyboard having been replaced 2x now... -_-

Anyway, apologies once again for not updating. I'll have some fantastic recipes and reviews on the way. If you get bored, head on over to my Shutterbug blog, even though I haven't updated the photos on there recently either. Oh well, I've been busy alright?

Best of luck with your New Year's Resolutions. I personally didn't make any, but if there's something I should be doing more of, it is blogging, so for the sake of you lovely reader(s) <-- not sure if more than 1 person actually reads this... but oh well... I will try to keep up and provide you with insightful little snippets out of my life.

Stephanie, WWT

P.S. Oh and by the way, I just turned 21!!!!!!!!YAY! :) Ok, back to your normal lives.